Rolande Cutner

Year of Diagnosis: 1992
Country of Residence: Paris, France and New York, USA
Occupation: International lawyer admitted in Paris and in New
York, based in New York, travels every two months to Paris to see clients.
A member of the board of the French MS society “LIGUE FRANCAISE CONTRE LA SCLEROSE EN PLAQUES”, the French representative on the People with MS International Committee and a member of the Nominating Committee of the MSIF.
Type of MS: Primary progressive.

MS: SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY

I am a lucky woman who lives a wonderful life. No matter that my two little boys died in infancy, that my first husband killed himself at the age of 33, that my second husband divorced me, letting me fight MS alone. Fate had many blessings in store for me.

I studied law and political sciences and became a lawyer in both continents: I passed the Bar in Paris and in New York. That led me to the Federal Court in the Southern District of New York, to the Court of Appeals Second Circuit, and to the Supreme Court of the United States where I was admitted in 1999.

Born and raised in Paris, France, I was a freethinker, chance-taker, and I demanded a great deal from life –freedom, adventure, and good times. I was a very good student, I read voraciously, I played the piano and I enlisted in Art school and participated in exhibitions in Paris and in New York showing my work in oil painting and sculpture using the technique of lost wax and producing bronzes, before MS.

I also spent a lot of time sailing, swimming, and scuba diving, climbing in the Alps, parachute jumping in Florida and starting on earning my pilot’s license in New Jersey.

Before MS, I ran three times the New York City Marathon.
Before MS, I had soaring ambitions, passionate and satisfying love affairs and was disco dancing the night away.

Then, MS struck. I was devastated, I collapsed in the streets, and people believed I was drunk. Soon, I could not pee; the sphincter in my bladder was paralyzed. I had to be rushed to the ER and beg to be catheterized. I was walking a tightrope between intensely painful pains of constipation and the embarrassment of diarrhea in public places.

My situation was unbelievably cruel because doctors did not know what was wrong with me. I could not function socially. Days would go by when I never left my swanky Park Avenue apartment in New York. I was often depressed and did not seek help. I was disgusted with myself. I felt rejected. I stopped working totally and soon could not pay my bills. In 1990, the bank foreclosed on my property. I was evicted from my fashionably elegant cooperative apartment. I was inconsolable. I went back to Paris and was convinced that I had Aids and wanted to die.

A Parisian MD, a friend from childhood, looked at me and said: “You do not have Aids! The way you walk, your gait, your bowels and urinary symptoms tell me that you have a neurological problem. I will arrange for you to see the best neurological physician in Paris. Do not fight me, just go and see him.”

I did and my life changed.

The neurologist said: “Rolande, I do not know what you have, but we are going to work it out, first on the bowel movements and then the bladder problems.” In 1990, I was hospitalized in a unit specialized in urinary problems and I was taught to self catheterized and to reeducate my bowel system.
My existence suddenly smoothed out amazingly.

In 1992, I finally was diagnosed with MS. – Primary progressive –

In 1995, I started to work again, in Paris and in New York as a lawyer. I was going to court, traveling intensively between the old and the new continent.

In 1998, I became a Board member of the French MS Society and the French representative on the People with MS International Committee of the MSIF.
Self catheterization was a “virtual open sesame” to an enchanting life of working with talented lawyers, acting as a lawyer in courts, and moving in A-list legal circles in Paris and in New York.

As the dawning of the millennium approached, my life became more and more exciting and I had reason to feel optimistic again. People knew I had MS but nobody knew that my bladder was paralyzed. I refused the wheel chair and used a walking cane-seat. I could sit when excruciating cramps would prevent my calves and thighs from carrying my body straight up. Finally, I was going to succeed at something that mattered so much to me: Beat the enemy! Beat MS! Then, disaster struck again.
On April 1, 2004, I was run over by a truck!
I was in a coma and woke up in the hospital where I stayed for 27 days. I was lucky not to have been killed. However, I was in a wheel chair.

Do you know what saved me?
When I was hanging on for my life, I did not think about my mom, my two husbands or my lovers, I thought about myself. I looked for strength in myself. I said to myself: “Never quit. Push your brain and tell your brain to start training, and tell your brain to continue training every day!” Obviously you survive; you get going, because you tell your brain to get going. After this terrible accident and despite my broken bones, I kept going…

Now, I am walking again, despite MS.

On September 6, 2004, I turned 70 years old!

I am back working full time as a lawyer. Life is wonderful.

If you would like to contact Rolande Cutner please send your message to info@msif.org and we will pass on your e-mail.