Q. I have MS and have recently been worried about my partner who helps care for me. As well as helping me out of bed in the morning and to get showered and dressed, he does most of the cooking and cleaning in our home. He does a wonderful job, but I am worried he never takes a break and is tiring himself out. He says he doesn’t want to have a break and seems worried that I won’t cope on my own or with help from someone else like an aide. What can I do to make sure he doesn’t get ‘carer burnout’?
A. Certainly it is very important that you appreciate and in some way acknowledge how much your partner’s dedication means to you. From your letter it seems as though you do. Never making time for oneself can take its toll on a person. There are signs to look for that indicate when a carer is at risk for burnout, including withdrawal from friends, family and other loved ones, loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed, feeling low, irritable, hopeless and helpless, changes in appetite, weight, or both, changes in sleep patterns, getting sick more often, feelings of wanting to hurt themselves or the person they care for, and emotional and physical exhaustion. If you see any of these signs in your partner, you might encourage him to talk to a professional. You might also help by learning about what respite services, homecare services and caregiver support services are available in your area and encourage him to take advantage of them.
Q. I look after my wife who has MS and I also have a busy job. I have recently been thinking about going part-time at work, and although we would miss the income, it would make things easier at home and we would have time to do leisure activities together. I’m worried about how to bring up the subject at work though, as we have kept my wife’s MS private from my working life. Can you give me any advice for this?
A. It sounds like you have already begun to think about the pros and cons of working fewer hours, which can be very helpful. Before making a decision to reduce the hours you work, it is important to be fully informed as to your rights as a caregiver of a family member with MS. Different countries have different solutions and incentives for families in which a member requires assistance. You may be eligible for a temporary reduction in your hours, or some other sort of arrangement through your employer. A social service professional, such as a social worker, may be a good source of information on the rights of family carers in the area of employment. Further, a number of national MS societies can be sources on this topic as well.
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